Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
