drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
