well I can't set my house on fire every night
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
