my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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