i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
