tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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