'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
