I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
