i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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