There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
