Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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