i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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