I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
