Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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