Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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