If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
