Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
