If that was your dad, he is hot
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
