Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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