dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
