i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
