i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
