We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize