we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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