trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
