I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
