i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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