I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
