i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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