The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
