Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize