Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
