Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
