Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
