so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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