I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
