update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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