Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
