We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
