biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
So squirting runs in the family.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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