I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
