and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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