I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
