Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
