I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
