Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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