Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
