Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
