no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Randomize
