Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
