On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
