take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
