I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
