She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
