if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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