garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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