Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
