I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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