Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
MIDGETS
????
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
