is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
