She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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