hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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