You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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